ThisKevin

Pop Culture Blogger of the Year (my acceptance speech)

2012-01-25T15:54:00.001-05:00

I recently wrote a piece about being a Pop Culture Expert.

If I win the “Pop Culture Blogger of the Year” Award (and ifsuch an award exists), I already have my acceptance speech written:

Thank you. This awardisn’t just for me, but for all the dedicated men, women and men-children whokeep your pop culture blogs fresh.

I share this award with anyone who’s had to excusethemselves from a dinner-date to step into the bathroom and promote a link thatjust went live.

To anyone who’s used a celebrity’s death to promotesomething written 8 months ago.

To people who’ve been forced to “review” a movie that hasn’tcome out yet, or recap a reality show they didn’t see.

This award is dedicated to anyone who’s worked for a blogwhose title includes some combination of the words: Buzz, Guy, Pop, Geek, Celeb,Burger, Crazy, Hollywood, X, Cuts, Film, or the suffix “--licious."

To the people who think they’re the first to make a video go viral.

To everyone who spends more time tracking down their overduepaychecks than they do researching an article.

To the writers whose editors tell them “300 words is toolong.”

I want to thanks anybody who met a deadline while seatednext to an emotional train-wreck at Starbucks.

I share this award with people who ask their Facebookfriends to contribute to a list piece, then 2 days later encourage those samefriends to read the finished article.

To anyone who’s used a pseudonym to go into the commentssection and defend your work against the ugly, hateful, small-minded gorillaswho visit your website.

Lastly, I want to take this opportunity to remind everywebsite I’ve ever worked for: you still owe me outstanding payments.

Kevin Maher is a writer-producer with impressive resume credits. (But that's because his resume doesn't include gigs like The Daily Dirt, Celebraddiction, The Horror Hacker, Hollywood Update, Star Vs Star, and Bravo's "Great Things About the Holidays.")

Visit his website for the good credits, sample writing and videos.

Related posts: Secrets of a Pop Culture Expert

SECRETS OF A POP CULTURE EXPERT

2012-01-24T08:58:00.001-05:00

Dear every teacher I everhad:

Sorry I didn’t do thereading.

There was a good show onthat night.

Oddly my obsessive yearsof teevee consumption led to many jobs as a “pop culture expert."

In another civilizationthat title would be a euphemism for “unemployable” – but we live in a societywhere I can blog about ninja movie villains from the 1980’s and get paid morethan a public school teacher.

Just this week I was givenreal U.S. currency to watch the movie KRULL and write trivia aboutit.

I don’t know if I’m asuccess story, a cautionary tale, or a sad commentary on our nation’s values.

You be the judge.

The tough part of my workis that I’m 37 and it might be too late to learn a practical skill.

Of course I don’t really believe that.

But I know myself wellenough that if I were to make a radical life change and start at a non-profit,I’d eventually say, “Fuck it, this is hard work comparedto ranking TV’s top mustaches.”

(Seriously, this trope ALWAYS comes up atjobs. Like the way TIME Magazine can always do another coverstory on cholesterol, bloggers return to the well of “PopCulture Mustaches." No one actually believes they’re the first to do the story. Editors I’ve worked forencourage writers to steal good ideas from other places. Because thebosses know that the mouth-breathers who read their blogs have no long-termmemory or sense of history. If you don't believe me, then how do you explain the countless slideshows of "bad tattoos"?)

So I’m committedto writing for inevitably short-lived websites and second rate cable channels ownedby corporate entities that hope to gain some street-cred by featuring writingson trashy movies, vintage television and nostalgic trivia.

This field has less of a“corporate ladder” and more of a merry-go-round populated by lonley guys whoare one Entertainment Weekly subscription away from Aspergers.

In a way, working a popculture gig is like a game of chicken. Each writer is waiting for theothers to “get a real job” so that more work opens up for the rest of us.

Unless we all get replacedby unpaid interns.

In my field thisinevitability is like global warming melting the ice caps: We knowit’s going to happen, but we try not to think about it and hope it happensafter we’re dead.

I resent that my tightwadbosses would replace me with some recent college grad who was born the sameyear I saw The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III in the theater.

I came into my nerd-dombefore the internet turned history into low-hanging fruit. Today anyonecan learn the complete chronology of the Planet of the Apes saga in a few minutes. But Istudied it one Saturday Afternoon at a time.

And I dislike that anynimrod can glean those facts (rarely fact-checked) and become an instantexpert.

It really cheapens thework I do.

Visit his website for the good credits, sample writing and videos.

Imaginary conversations about DUNE and THE DOORS

2012-01-17T17:39:00.001-05:00

I just learned that in 1983 both Kyle McLachlan and Val Kilmer were up for the lead role of Paul Atredies in David Lynch's movie of DUNE.

And seven years later both Val Kilmer and Kyle McLachlan were both cast in the movie THE DOORS.

So that means at some point the following conversation took place on set.

OLIVER STONE: Val, this is your co-star Kyle McLachlan, he’s playing Ray Manzerick.

VAL: Hey Kyle, we met a few years ago when we were both up for that David Lynch movie. I never saw it, how was it?

KYLE: It was… okay. Not everyone’s cup of tea, but work’s work. Hey, nice wig!

* * *

And then making The Doors they had to shoot scenes where Jim Morrison takes the band out to the desert, where conversations like this must've taken place:

VAL: Hey Kyle. This is just like in DUNE, right.

The other guys were like “Oh, I forgot you were in DUNE." "That’s hilarious.” etc.

KYLE: It’s no big deal, really.

FRANK WHALEY: Do the line about how the sleeper must awaken.

KYLE: I’m trying to get in character, guys, Ray Manzerick would never say that, you know?

KEVIN DILLON: (teasing) Don’t be afraid, Kyle. Fear is the mind-killer.

(high fives Val Kilmer)

Save the Date: Kevin Geeks Out about WRASSLIN'

2012-01-13T16:07:00.001-05:00

I'm thrilled to announce that on Wrestlemania weekend, I'll return to the 92Y Tribeca for a supreme Geek Out, the likes of which you've never seen.

KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT WRESTLING!

With a truly fantastic line-up of guest experts including:

Mike Edison (editor of Wrestling's Main Event, as well as Hustler and High Times)

Brandon Rohwer (film pimp and pop culture enthusiast)

Noah Tarnow (Quizmaster from The Big Quiz Thing and wrasslin' enthusiast)

and Brian Solomon (WWE, Pro Wrestling Illustrated, the Vault or Horror)

The two-hour variety show will feature a no-holds-barred battle royal including film clips, dramatic readings, guest lectures, true stories, trivia prizes and never-before-told secrets from the squared circle.

SAVE THE DATE: Friday March 30th @ 8pm

at the 92Y Tribeca, 200 Hudson Street in New York, NY

Early morning poetry on the C train

2012-01-04T09:53:00.001-05:00

On this morning's commute there was a guy named Blue selling CDs and books of his poetry.

I was interested because I have this love-hate relationship with poetry.

I asked the author if he was going to read.

He said "No because he" (a nearby passenger) "might not like it."

So Blue handed me a copy of the book and said I could check it out.

They were very short pieces, 1 - 2 lines each, a mix of joking and though-provoking. Kind of like John Lennon's In His Own Write.

But there was one that didn't make sense to me.

Children should never

accept candy from stranglers

(Except on Halloween)

At first I didn't notice, the word was stranglers not strangers.

And then I had to wonder if it was a typo or artistic choice.

If it's a joke, the first joke trips over the second joke. (I know about this stuff. I'm a comedy writer.)

It was a Wednesday morning commuting mystery.

Before you read any further, come to your own conclusion.

Ready? Okay, continue....

I asked my fellow passengers what they thought. The guy sitting next to me explained it was a pun. The woman next to me believed it was a typo and said I should not tell him.

For the next minute we debated whether or not it was intentional, agreeing that "it works both ways."

Then the poet himself showed up, wanting to know what's up.

I said "We were just discussing the Halloween poem."

"Yeah, there's a typo in there."

"We were just saying it works both ways."

He said "Yeah, somebody told me I should add parentheses around the r."

Meaning it should say st(r)anglers or strangle(r)s ?

Before I could ask, I had to get off the train.

But it doesn't matter. What matters is that one guy got three strangers (not a typo) talking about poetry at 9 o'clock in the morning. And that's wonderful in so many ways. It makes me grateful to live in New York City where your share space and thoughts with people you'd never normally talk to.

For more of Blue's poetry, go to his website.

Sorry, Matthew

2011-12-13T09:42:00.000-05:00

It doesn't matter if you're only 8-years-old Matthew, Harlan Ellison is going to sue you.

R.I.P. Jerry Robinson

2011-12-09T09:55:00.001-05:00

Artist Jerry Robinson created The Joker. Even though Mr. Robinson is no longer with us, his creation will live on in comic books, graphic novels, blockbuster movies, Big Gulp cups, Converse All Star Hi Joker Batman Athletic Shoes, childrens' bedsheets, action figures, Mark Hamill voice recordings, Pez dispensers, Christmas ornaments, novelty records, fake vintage T-shirts, carnival game knock-off plushies, bobbleheads, queer fan fiction, illegally downloaded TV shows, Japanese collectibles, questionable tattoos, Simpsons' references, un-funny political cartoons, well-intentioned youtube tribute videos, cereal bowls, shot glasses, overpriced posters, Fisher Price playhouses, back-to-school supplies, college thesis papers by nerds, kids' Halloween costumes and the unreleased (but written) obituaries for Jack Nicholson, Alan Moore and Frank Miller.

Here's R. Sikoryak's recent illustration of Robinson (this first appeared in The New Yorker)

the return of KEVIN GEEKS OUT - HOLIDAY GRAB BAG SHOW!

2011-12-07T09:44:00.001-05:00

I'm delighted to announce that KEVIN GEEKS OUT will be bringing back the HOLIDAY GRAB BAG SHOW. Instead of the traditional "obsessive theme nights" we welcome some of our favorite returning guests (and new friends) to share their favorite geek-obsessions.

Topics include:

How He-Man spends the Holidays

A close look at the most depressing Christmas song

Confessions of a 12-time Macy's Santa

Tour Diary by Britney Spears' punk clown

Doom Cakes: the cinematic tradition in which any beautifully decorated cake serves as a harbinger of imminent catasropher (often include the destruction of said cake)

All this, plus weird and wonderful segments like geek bingo, trivia prizes, rare videos, stump the guest panelist and free snacks!

BUY TICKETS HERE (no service charge)

Multi-media variety shows don't get better than this, so come on out and geek out with these special guests:

Tom Blunt (host of (2Y Tribeca's MEET THE LADY)

Glen Heroy (actor and clown)

M. Sweeney Lawless (writer for THE LOWBROW READER)

Nick Nadel (editor of TheFW.com)

Professor Geoff Klock (author of HOW TO READ SUPERHERO COMICS AND WHY)

Sara Reiss (baker, blogger, self-described "hater")

Matt Wilson (TV's Cyberspace)

KEVIN GEEKS OUT - HOLIDAY GRAB BAG

Friday December 9th at 8pm

92Y Tribeca, 200 Hudson Street

BUY TICKETS HERE (no service charge)

Recap of my guest lecture at the School of Visual Arts

2011-11-15T10:15:00.001-05:00

On Monday night, I gave a guest lecture at the School of Visual Arts. The students said it was "very entertaining" -- because when I lecture, I put on a show!

The class is titled "Careers in the Industry", so I spoke about my various writing jobs. During the 90-minutes I covered a ton of topics including:

cliches in writing, the dangers of advice, my best jobs, my worst jobs, working at CNN, never say you "want to be a writer", what happens when you don't set goals, writing a polite email, writing for Leslie Nielsen, how topical humor is like a kidnapping, figuring out what the monster wants, the evil Genie, creating characters like you're paining self-portraits, Charles Willeford's tip about writing a page each day before you urinate, finding symbolism in everyday life, trying to fit 10 jokes into a :30 video, unpacking an assignment when someone says it should be "short" and "funny", coming up with a show that's cheaper than "Pants off Dance-Off", and so much more.

I was thrilled that when I mentioned Rod Serling, everyone knew who he was.

I also took questions. Students asked about being assigned topics like "anti-bullying" and being made to write non-PC humor. I can't properly paraphrase all the questions, sorry.

Another guy asked me what I've done in my career that has betrayed me the most. I gave a long answer in several parts, comparing my solo show (LONE DRIFTER) to much more commercial theater shows like "The Godfather Workout" and "One Man Star Wars Triology." I said even though I didn't create a show that appealed to Arts Editors, I learned to be a better writer and performer.

Many of my stories ended horribly. That is, by the end of the night it was like SCARED STRAIGHT for would-be comedy writers. Next time I do this, I'll need to include more inspiring messages.

I also need to come up with a good response for this: when I talked about how the industry panders and condescends, one guy suggested that the industry may be right because Americans consume awful movies, TV shows and music. I didn't want to get into a Marxist rant so early in the evening, so I just said plenty of people exit a theater and say "That was awful. I can't believe so many people liked it."

I screened my reel to showcase some of what I've done, then joked that I had to make a fast-paced sizzle reel because so many of the scripts were butchered. (Ha ha....sigh)

And because they were covering "independent" filmmaking, I showed the trailer for ANDREW 12-SIDED DICE CLAY.

Speaking of which, we're in the FINAL DAYS of fundraising.

DONATE HERE

Donate today.

If I don't reach my $7,000 goal, I won't receive any money.

Also, if I do get the money it's not to pay me, the budget will pay for editing, camera rentals, actor fees, camera operator fees, location costs and everything else that goes into NYC filmmaking.

Please kick in today and support

DONATE HERE

Cute Kids urge you to support my Kickstarter Campaign for ANDREW 12-SIDED DICE CLAY

2011-11-09T10:33:00.001-05:00

We've reached the point in my fundraising campaign where I'm exploiting my children to raise money. (But it's okay, it's for a good cause.)

In this new video, I explain HOW KICKSTARTER WORKS -- it's so easy even these adorable children understand it. (More or less.)

Kickstarter fundraisers are ALL OR NOTHIN'. If I don't reach my fundraising goal, I won't receive anything and these past few weeks will have been wasted.

Just writing that makes me feel ill. So please PLEDGE TODAY.

If I do reach my goal, you'll be funding my dream project! You're so cool, that way.

Donate Here

And watch the full-trailer below:

Donate here

Thanks in advance!

Love,

Kevin

Related posts:

Gossipy Fundraising Update - with details about the comedy community

Video of Andrew 12-Sided Dice Clay at NY Comic Con

The Basics on Andrew 12-Sided Dice Clay

Andrew 12-Sided Dice Clay - fundraising update

2011-11-08T21:14:00.001-05:00

Click HERE to donate to Kevin Maher's kickstarter campaign for ANDREW 12-SIDED DICE CLAY.

The above clip was taped during THE IRON MULE NYC’s longest-running comedy film series. The crowd loved the trailer for ANDREW 12-SIDED DICE CLAY, and I needed some positive re-enforcements.

True Story: an old friend did me a favor by sharing A12SDC with one of the biggest comedy websites. But the executive didn’t like it (had my video been on his site, he would have voted “Die”) This proves that the web-series won’t get made by a big corporate entity. It’s independent comedy and it will only get made by YOU.

Elsewhere in the comedy world, ANDREW 12-SIDED DICE CLAY is being backed by a producer from NBC’s COMMUNITY (the sitcom, not the actual NBC community). A hilarious writer from CONAN has generously donated and spread the word. And a two-time Emmy winning writer from THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART has kicked in and told others to do the same.

But I’m most excited to have YOU involved. This is no longer my project, it’s OUR project. And we’re gonna get this thing made.

Thanks for your support.

Love,

Kevin

Below is a clip of the trailer, playing before the Iron Mule audience.

Click HERE to see the full-trailer and donate!

Live from Comic Con: Andrew 12-Sided Dice Clay

2011-11-02T09:49:00.002-04:00

Last month I was invited to New York Comic Con, New York's biggest event for comic books, gaming, animation, science-fiction and fantasy. For four days, the Javits Center is over-run with fans of every type.

I was asked to participate in a panel on "geek humor."

When I spoke with event organizer (GeekChicNYC's Mike Singer), I mentioned that there's a video I wish I could show.

What I meant was, "I have a funny video idea, Andrew 12-Sided Dice Clay. I wish I'd made it."

He thought I meant, "Please allow me to show my video, which exists."

Mike said, "Let's show it!" not realizing that the video did not exist.

So I quickly thew together a variety show, where I could videotape the 12-Sided Diceman before an audience. (Click HERE to see Matthew Glasson's photos from that show, SEXY NERDS & DIRTY WORDS)

The live-show was just days before Comic Con. My trusted editor Eric Hendricks took on the job and we cut together the winning 3-minute trailer.

Here's the finished trailer:

The video played beautifully -- some jokes weren't heard because the audience was laughing so hard. Now I want to make this as a web-series, to follow the adventures of Andrew 12-Sided Dice Clay. (You can make that dream come true by pledging a contribution HERE)

Here are some photos from the NY Comic Con panel:
(L to R: Elliott Kalan, Kevin Maher, Susie Felber, Stephen Wacker, Jessi Klein)

photo by Chelsea Smith, doublewide media

Q&A, photo by Susie Felber

Here we are watching the trailer:

photo by Chelsea Smith, doublewide media

Here's my update from Comic Con:

And here's where you come in.

This web-series needs grassroots support or it won't get made.

Please go here and pledge what you can.

Repost the trailer, retweet this blog post. Email it to your friends who'd like such nerdy/dirty comedy. No corporate sponsor is going to get on board with this project.

Kickstarter is ALL OR NOTHING: If I don't meet my goal, you won't be charged and I won't get any money. But if I do meet my goal, you'll be supporting a dream project.

I'm counting on YOU to help me make the dream come true. Thanks for your love.

Love,

Kevin

Andrew 12-Sided Dice Clay: a new video project by Kevin Maher

2011-11-01T12:00:00.003-04:00

I used to make short comedy videos all the time.

Then I had two kids. Now most of the projects I do are work-for-hire with corporate sponsorship. They pay the bill and I make the videos they want.

But all that's about to change. If you can help me.

* * *

I was invited to NY Comic Con to speak at a panel on Geek Humor.

Rather than just talk, I made a short-video about the ultimate geek comic: ANDREW 12-SIDED DICE CLAY.

The 3-minute trailer played beautifully, the audience loved it.

Now I want to make a web-series.

But I can't do it without YOUR help. No corporate entity wants to align its product with a greaser telling filthy Star Wars jokes. I need grassroots support.

I need people like you (specifically YOU) to get involved.

Pledge what you can to my kickstarter campaign

If I don't reach my fundraising goal, you won't be charged anything. And if I do reach my goal, your contribution will be funding my dream project. And you'll get a number of perks and kick-backs, depending on the amount you pledge. (Click here to see what you'll receive.)

So far over 300 people have re-posted the trailer on Facebook. But a *like* is not the same as a contribution. At the current fundraising rate, I will not reach my goal.

Please repost this page, re-tweet it, or just email it to a friend, and encourage your friends to support this campaign. (It's easy, just click here, it takes 2 minutes)

Please take part in this one-of-a-kind comedy web-show.

thanks so much.

Love,

Kevin

Mark Douglas as the 12-Sided Diceman, photo by Matthew Glasson

More about the project:

The series would star comedian Mark Douglas (a YouTube Sensation from the KEY OF AWESOME series) Mark is one of the funniest guys I know. He's also no stranger to comedy videos, his song parodies are hugely successful, his Kei$ha video was the 6th most watched video on YouTube last year. For years, Mark and I had worked together on Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions and Also There is a Game.

DP Jeremy Carr has been working with me for years on projects like Comedy Central's Old People News, Puppet Rodeo, and AMC's The Sci Fi Department. He's just wrapping up production of his feature film, LUCID. I'm lucky to have Jeremy involved.

Editor Eric Hendricks is another one of my go-to guys, having worked with me on Puppet Rodeo, Old People News and The Sci Fi Department. He's edited TV shows and is cutting a documentary now, but he's got excellent comedic chops. Eric's one of my favorite people to work with.

The web-series will follow the adventures of Andrew 12-Sided Dice Man, as he butts heads with rival comedians, struggles to find success, alientes his fan-base, and attempts to find lucrative TV gigs. And we'll even see a focus group watch his routine.

I hope you'll help me with this project. I have a hard time asking for help, so this is good practice.

But seriously, pledge here. Thanks!

Frankenstein & Me

2011-10-30T13:00:00.003-04:00

Growing up as a tall kid, I was always forced to be Frankenstein whenever my friends played monsters. I'm sure other tall kids had to put up with this.

This continued as an adult, when my old sketch group was developing a TV show called MONSTERS ON THE RUN, I was to play the fugitive Frankenstein Monster (framed for a crime he didn't commit. He was framed by a rich Kennedy-esque Playboy Mummy and lost his trial when a William Kunstler-esque lawyer used the case as an opportunity to blame society, saying, "You're the monsters! YOU are the monsters." I wish we'd made that.)

One Halloween I was the monster, my wife was the bride, my kids were the Doctor and Igor. (You can make a cute baby look spooky by adding a unibrow and hunchback.)

One of the first KEVIN GEEKS OUT shows was dedicated to FRANKENSTEIN. Mary Shelly's novel is the most adapted work of literature (in your face, Madame Bovary!) So there are so many odd interpretations to look at.

We screened clips from Frankenstein Vs. Baragaon, Andy Warhol's Frankenstein, TV's The Monster Squad (at 1970's TV series in which Frankenstein, Dracula and the Werewolf team up to fight crime, aided by The Love Boat's Gofer and a super-computer.) and more.

We listened to an excellent radio adaptation by the Quicksilver Radio Theatre.

We also watched Thomas Edison's Frankenstein film (from 1910), which I'd first seen at a Frankenstein film festival in New Jersey. It was introduced by a religious old kook, who owned the film print and because he was letting the theater screen his movie, he insisted on speaking before the film and speaking out against evolution. (Which, he believes is at the heart of Edison's adaptation, because the monster is not a re-animated corpse, but a man made from the earth.)

Throughout the night we saw some radical interpretations of the classic character, and the audience really got excited seeing Boris Karloff, it's like he's THE ONE. This PSA parody was a big hit at the show, and it still holds up.

Here's an old AMC video I made looking at some of my favorite adaptations:

Here's a collection of 50 Posters from various Frankenstein Movies

And in this new video Rusty Ward and I look at FRANKENSTEIN ISLAND, featuring several great clips from the movie.

And in my newest video, I use one of my all-time favorite gags about the monster:

(Hey, be sure to donate to the kickstarter campaign HERE)

Frankenstein is always showing up in popular culture.

DC's WEIRD WAR TALES ran a great series of stories about CREATURE COMMANDOS, in which the Mosnter, teams up with Dracula and the Wolf man to battle Nazis. (I don't know why writers are always pairing these three up. I mean, in real life they seem like they wouldn't get along at all.)

In Dickie Goodman's novelty song FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE BEATLES, the monster becomes envious of the band's popularity, so he forms a rock quartet to compete with the Fab Four. The Liverpool lads end up feeling sorry for him and invite him to join the band, though it's never clear what instrument he plays.

The new anthology horror-comedy CHILLERAMA features a very funny segment about THE DIARY OF ANNE FRANKENSTEIN, but as an internet nerd it's my duty to point out that the gag was made a decade earlier by Michael O'Donoghue. (Click here to read his SPIN magazine piece, "Six Hit Movies.")

The influence of Mary Shelley's story shows up in the oddest places, here's some holiday-themed pop-tarts that seem to play out a theme from the novel:

"'I am alone and miserable: man will not associate with me; but one as deformed and horrible as myself would not deny herself to me. My companion must be of the same species and have the same defects. This being you must create.'" ~ The Monster, in Mary Shelley's Frankenstein

Happy Halloween everybody.

SEXY NERDS & DIRTY WORDS - show recap with photos

2011-10-25T11:51:00.000-04:00

Thanks to everybody who attended the first ever show of SEXY NERDS &D IRTY WORDS -- we had a killer line-up of guests (pictured below) and a sold-out audience filled with cool people. (They kept an open mind and stayed "with us" as performers like to say.)

Here are some photos from the event (courtesy of ace photographer Matthew Glasson)

I opened the show with some of my filthiest material: nasty jokes, stuff I refused to tweet, and a collection of my "dirty alliteration" (which was co-written by my wife.) These jokes were a perfect way to open the show, and the audience dug it, but I really can't share it on the web, as a potential employer might object to jokes like: "I just ate a bowl of diarrhea. And the worst part is, I wasn't even hungry."

Then Matt Wilson joined me for a staged reading of a classic sex-talk titled "The Roommates Hatch a Plan."

Spoken Nerd poet Jared Singer read his first piece of the night, a very funny and moving autobiographical poem that touched on action figures and Saturday morning cartoons. I love being at a show where one of the acts makes a passing reference to Yusagi Yojimbo. Click here to see Jared performing at the Bowery Poetry Poetry Club.

Next, the noted nerd, wit and long-time friend M. Sweeney Lawless revealed the conspiracy theory about putting gorillas on comic book covers. In the 1950's, DC Comics editor Julius Schwartz observed that the best selling comic books were ones that featured primates on the cover. Meg examined several examples, many of which you can see here with commentary by Meg and me.

Then the audience was treated to a video-game inspired routine by burlesque performer Iris Explosion. You can watch Iris work the room as Ms. Pac-Man. (note: I first saw this act at Tom Blunt's amazing show MEET THE LADY. If you like my shows, you should see what Tom does.)

Come to think of it, Ms. Pac-Man was always pretty racy for a kids' arcade game.

Next up was a high-concept act: Mark Douglas performed as ANDREW 12-SIDED DICE CLAY. He's the bad-boy of the comic shop, telling jokes that are obscene, obscure and observational.

We videotaped his set and a few days later it screened at New York Comic Con during a panel on "Geek Humor." The live-act was a hit and the video killed at Comic Con. Watch the video HERE and please donate money to our kickstarter campaign so we can make more videos about the 12-Sided Diceman.

Also that night we played GEEK BINGO (photos not available.)

The always-entertaining Mike Edison read from his new book, DIRTY! DIRTY! DIRTY!: Of Playboys, Pigs and Penthouse Paupers - An American Tale of Sex and Wonder. You may recognize Mike from Kevin Geeks Out About Genre Busters where he performed with his beatnik band, talking about sex, drugs and professional wrestling.

Related: here's the 3-D trailer for Mike's new book....

* * *

Then we got a return visit from ANDREW 12-SIDED DICE CLAY, who did some of the same jokes -- but from a different camera angle. We got great coverage (you can see the 3-minute trailer here), the video was shot by Jeremy Carr and edited by Eric Hendricks, the same team who joined me on most of my videos, from AMC's Sci Fi Department to Comedy Central's Puppet Rodeo. But unlike those web-series, Dice won't get financed by a corporate entity. The material is too dirty and too nerdy. So we need the support of people like you (specifically, YOU!) You can pledge here and learn more about our Kickstarter campaign.

Also, in the video I play a hack comic who is too cool for school. Here I am wearing a hoodie, with my hands in my pockets, not trying very hard -- because cool people don't try very hard.

Lastly, closing out the show, Matt Wilson did some racy balloon art and he closed with a "sword swallowing" routine, set to AC/DC's "Back in Black." We taped his set, I hope he puts it online. In the meatime, you can see the photos here....

Goodnight everybody. And again, please donate to our kickstarter page!

"Why do you give into these impulses?"

2011-10-20T09:52:00.002-04:00

Yesterday at a work Town Hall, I very publicly asked a question to a boss who made $88 million dollars last year. Nothing offensive or explicit, but it was a smart-ass remark. My co-workers giggled and afterwards people gave me high-fives.

I got home and re-told the story to my wife. Afterwards she faced me with a serious look and asked "Why do you give into these impulses?"

It's a good question, my wife is one of the smartest people I've ever me and she KNOWS me. (Most people who know me or have worked with me can probably site examples of this terrible, self-destructive behavior.)

I'm going to try and answer that question.

In no particular order:

Sometimes I'll think "it would be cool if someone did (obnoxious act or stupid remark)." And when no one does it, I decide "I guess I'll have to do it."

* * *

I fell in love with "The Loneliness of the Long-distance Runner" and its romanticization of self-destructive rebels.

* * *

Working-class people ruin their opportunities for upward mobility, so that they don't betray their people.

* * *

In high school I did a book report about Abraham Lincoln and fell in love with this detail: John Wilkes Booth shot himself, with the attitude that "only a Booth is worthy to take the life of a Booth." Maybe I'm wired the same way, I want to beat my oppressors to the punch.

* * *

I fear success.

* * *

In my old sketch group I wrote a scene about a jerk who goes on Jeopardy and keeps losing points by including editorial commentary in his answers. The Final Jeopardy had a clue about the 40th President of the United States. But our man bet all his money and said "Who is mass-murdered Ronald Regan?" He lost the game, but as far as he was concerned he won.

* * *

I think Buddy handled this situation just right:

* * *

Does any of this make sense?

If you could see the inside of my mind, you'd ask "why is the dashboard covered with so many prominently placed SELF-DESTRUCT buttons?"

I think Willy Vlautin would understand -- he writes about a lot of troubled fuck-ups who are their own worst enemies. In an interview Willy talks about how when he was younger he owned a lot of Charles Bukowski books, and after spending a lot of money on them, he decided the books were a bad influence and if he got rid of the books, he'd turn his life around. Maybe Vlautin is my Bukowski and I should get rid of his novels.

Don't worry, Willy. I'll never do that.

To be continued.....

Save the Date: Sunday October 9th

2011-09-27T13:03:00.001-04:00

* SEXY NERDS & DIRTY WORDS *

You're invited to this one-time-only comedy-variety show where erotica meets neurotica, where the obscene meets the obscure, it's comedy for geeks, by geeks, it's.... Sexy Nerds and Dirty Words.

Host KEVIN MAHER (from the long-running series Kevin Geeks Out) presents a line-up of performers guaranteed to delight nerds of all ages.

Burlesque Performer IRIS EXPLOSION performs a racy dance designed especially for video-game fans.

Internet super-star MARK DOUGLAS (The Key of Awesome) delivers some R-rated geeky comedy.

Author MIKE EDISON reads from his new book, Dirty! Dirty! Dirty!, chronicling the history of America's greatest girlie magazines.

M. SWEENEY LAWLESS uncovers a secret conspiracy in comic book covers.

Performance Poet JARED SINGER shares some "Spoken Nerd" poetry.

Plus a game of GEEK BINGO will help determine who's the biggest geek in the audience.

Plus: Dramatic reading of fan fiction, un-censored tweets and a special video-taping for a segment that will be screened at New York Comic Con.

SEXY NERDS & DIRTY WORDS
UNDER St Marks, 94 St Marks Place (between 1st Ave and Avenue A)
Sunday October 9th @ 7:00pm
Just five bucks

* * *

About Kevin Maher (producer/host)

Kevin Maher is an Emmy-nominated comedy writer whose work has appeared on Comedy Central, Nickelodeon and HBO. He hosted AMC’s THE SCI FIDEPARTMENT (short-listed for a Webby Award) and created the viral Comedy Central webseries “Old People News” and “Puppet Rodeo.”

Since2008, Kevin has geeked out with 24 different installments of his video varietynight KEVIN GEEKS OUT, filling thosegaps in your education about Bigfoot! – Robots! – Video Games! – Werewolves! –KISS! – Batman! – and Sharks! His shows have been critics’ picks in the Village Voice, Time Out New York, Gothamist,The New York Times’“Urban Eye”...and what other comedy show can you name that’s been featured in Scientific American Online?

Kevin’s beentapped to host doublewide media’s upcoming television series RANDOM FANDOM, exploring the fanconventions and fanatic cultures for Harry Potter, Steampunk, Star Trek, BigLebowski and more.

On a dare,Kevin once wrote 100 haiku about BATMAN.

Words to live by

2011-09-26T09:36:00.000-04:00

"Ice Cream is good, but an ice cream cake shaped like a whale and covered in fudge is better."

- Tom Carvel

I find great inspiration in the above quote.

Seriously.

I'm always finding new ways to make my work better. When I'm producing live shows or videos, I want to add entertainment value anywhere I can. I need to go above and beyond and do it with a sense of showmanship.

8 Reasons I'm psyched to see ALLIGATOR this Monday

2011-09-17T21:26:00.001-04:00

This Monday night, Matthew Glasson and I have the honor of introducing ALLIGATOR (1980) at the 92Y Tribeca. (Get details and tickets here)

I'm excited for a bunch of reasons:

1. IT'S SHOWING IN 35MM
The way a giant-alligator movie was meant to be seen.

2. I'VE ONLY EVER CAUGHT BITS AND PIECES
When Matthew and I did our 2-hour show devoted to SHARK CINEMA we'd researched dozens of nature-gone-wrong movies from the 1970's and 80's. But I never got to see ALLIGATOR in its entirety, only the trailer:

3. IT USES A CLASSIC URBAN LEGEND
Judging by the trailer, ALLIGATOR is using a JAWS checklist to sell the story. But I've since learned something great about the film (SPOILER**) the premise is based in an old urban legend -- someone flushes a baby alligator down the sewer and it grows to gigantic proportions.

Coincidentally, my favorite book when I was a kid was all about a pet alligator that gets flushed down a toilet and lives in the sewers of New York. Peter Lippman's THE GRATE ESCAPE - or THE SEWER STORY was first published in 1973, but I didn't read it until 1980, which is the same year ALLIGATOR came out.

4. IF YOU LIKE THE GAME, YOU'LL LOVE THE MOVIE
Stranger still, there was a children's game tie-in with ALLIGATOR, one of those OPERATION-style challenges where you have to be careful not to set-off the trap. In this case, players needed to try and put stuff in the gator's mouth without getting chomped.

Fittingly, the ALLIGATOR game seems to be knock-off of the JAWS game.

How bizarre that an R-rated movie had kiddie-toy. But then again Kenner made an action figure for ALIEN. It was a different time.

5. MORE STORY THAN EATEN ALIVE

Don't get me wrong, I adore Tobe Hooper's big crocodile picture. Arguably the movie works because there's no real story, but ALLIGATOR has the advantage that the screenplay was written by a real pro: Academy-Award nominated John Sayles.

6. IT'S JOHN SAYLES' SECOND JAWS RIP-OFF
By 1980 John Sayles had already written one JAWS rip-off, Roger Corman's PIRANHA (1978). His script is at once a shameless rip-off AND a parody of the killer-shark epic. By the time he wrote ALLIGATOR he knew the sub-genre inside and out. Sayles used his paycheck to make his indie-breakout film RETURN OF THE SECAUCUS 7. If it weren't for ALLIGATOR, David Strathairn would still be doing regional theater.

7. CAMEO BY LOLITA
Sue Lyon, who made headlines playing the title character in Stanley Kubrick's LOLITA, appears in ALLIGATOR as a TeeVee Reporter. This was her last film (to date.) Maybe it was so horrible Lyon retired form the business. Or it was so great, she knew she'd peaked. Come see the movie and judge for yourself.

8. HISTORICAL CONTEXT
On Monday night, Matthew and I will give an introduction that will include some background about JAWS rip-offs from the Golden Age of Shark Cinema and the second wave of non-shark aquatic monsters. ALLIGATOR belongs to a very specific sub-genre and I love getting to speak about it with an audience.

ALLIGATOR

dir: Lewis Teague. 91 minutes. 1980. 35mm

$12

buy tickets here

screening Monday September 19th @ 8pm

92Y Tribeca, 200 Hudson Street, NYC

NOTE: The 92Y Tribeca is showing ALLIGATOR as part of the series, RIP-OFF CINEMA. You can still catch 35mm screenings of 1990: THE BRONX WARRIORS (an Italian post-Apocalyptic film from 1982, which draws upon The Warriors, Escape from New York and Mad Max) and MAC AND ME (which is commonly referred to as an E.T. rip-off, but I wonder if it's stealing from the alien subplot in MEATBALLS 2) The Mac and Me show will be preceded by a cut-down version of the Turkish E.T. as well as a look at kid-movies' most horrifying creatures that were supposed to be "cute".

** In an episode of my AMC series I argued that the SPOILER statue-of-limitations ends after 10 years. So suck it.

A few thoughts about SHARK NIGHT 3-D

2011-09-12T14:39:00.001-04:00

Last night I finally got to see SHARK NIGHT. My friend Ritch Dunance and I saw it at the 42nd Street E-Walk in PRX, in a 500-seat theater with leather seats. We paid $19.50. Each.

Yes, that's almost 20 bucks on the shark movie that the A.V. Club rated an "F". I should not be allowed out of the house with money.

* * *

One character in SHARK NIGHT 3D reveals that his email address is Gordon79. So presumably he's a 32-year-old college student.

Or it could be the script was written 12 years ago. That might make sense, because one of the characters is described as being good at making "mix tapes" -- not iTunes playlists, MIX TAPES.

* * *

One guy walked out of the theater during the movie. Maybe he was expecting SHARK KNIGHT 3-D?

* * *

Whether you see SHARK NIGHT in 2D or 3D, the characters are still in 1D.

***

There's no nudity in the film. Except a guy's butt. And it seems to wink at the camera.

There are lots of long, drawn-out sequences where we see the kids driving and boating. Each of those minutes was probably added to pad the film's 82 minutes. I'm guessing they needed to add footage after cutting all the good sex and violence that was cut out to get the PG-13 rating.

Even then, during one God-awful sequence, Ritch observed "A 13-year-old shouldn't be watching this."

***

After the movie ends, there's an old-school plot-summary rap video performed by the movies characters. (a la WILDCATS, TAPEHEADS, LEPRECHAUN 5, etc.) The song is performed by characters who have since died. And they rap about being dead.

Just like William Holden's character in SUNSET BOULEVARD.

At some point, the actors probably expected this was going to play during the credits, not AFTER the credits.

When it came one, Ritch and I were the only ones left in the theater.

"No one's going to believe us," I said.

Also, I'm betting the critics who panned SHARK NIGHT didn't stick around for the credits.

If they had, they mighta been a little more sympathetic.

* * *

Related links:

JAWS vs. SHARK NIGHT (a look at the two types of shark movie posters)

Kevin and Matt Geek Out About Shark Cinema

Just Sayin'

2011-09-11T19:41:00.000-04:00

FACES OF DEATH presents fake animal torture as though it is real.

THE ADVENTURES OF MILO & OTIS does the opposite.

Kevin Geeks Out About Rip-Off Cinema

2011-09-04T13:24:00.000-04:00

KevinGeeks Out is the comedy-variety show hosted bywriter-comedian KevinMaher – a confabulation of vintage film clips and videos, new finds,guest experts, games and curiosities. To geek out with Kevin you don’t need tobe a geek, you just need to love cool stuff.

Since2008, Kevin has geeked out with 23 different installments of his video varietynight to fill those gaps in your education about Bigfoot! – Robots! – VideoGames! – Werewolves! – KISS! – Batman! – and Sharks! His shows have beencritics’ picks in the Village Voice, TimeOut New York, Gothamist, The New York Times’ “Urban Eye”...and what other comedy showcan you name that’s been featured in Scientific American Online?

Thismonth, Kevin Geeks Out about RIP-OFF CINEMA, chronicling the“knockbusters” that attempt to capture the magic of E.T., KING KONG, WAR OF THE WORLDS and other big-budgetblockbusters. The two-hour cultural cavalcade includes trivia, snacks, prizes,and guest speakers presenting rare film footage and TV clips you won’t find onYouTube or Netflix. Kevin isjoined by some very special guests:

· Emmy Award-winning Daily Show writer Elliott Kalan looks back at his favorite E.T. rip-off. (It’s notMac and Me!)

· Writer M. Sweeney Lawless gives a brief history of films that aped KING KONG.

· Comic Book Blogger Nick Nadel presents a montage ofSuper-hero knock-offs from around the world.

· Professor Geoff Klock illustrates thedifference between a rip-off and an homage.

· Filmmaker Matthew Glasson shares scenes from his favorite JAWS copycat (that was actually bannedfrom the U.S. for copyright infringement!)

· Horror Blogger Brian Solomon presents a study of HALLOWEEN rip-offs.

· And Artist-BakerSara Reiss serves up “knock-off”themed treats.

· Plus trivia games and prizes thatwill include knock-off products.

KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT RIP-OFF CINEMA
Thursday September 15th @ 8pm
92Y Tribeca, 200 Hudson Street NYC

buy tickets HERE

Separated at Birth?

2011-09-02T00:56:00.008-04:00

Related posts:

another Separated at Birth?

Who wore it better - Superhero edition

Who wore it better - 80's movie cowboy edition

A IS FOR ANTHRAX: #4 in a series of pop culture primers

2011-08-22T12:56:00.003-04:00

The latest Abecedarium comes from writer/heavy-metal fan Rebecca Rogers Maher.

She notes: "This is by no means a representative sample of heavy metal bands. It's just an alphabetical list of bands I like, or hate, or could make a rhyme with."

A is for ANTHRAX. They bring the noise.

B's for BON JOVI: Rich Jersey Boys

C's for CHEVELLE, who send pain below

D is for DANZIG: Short guy on a throne

E is for EXODUS: Godfathers of thrash

F's FAITH NO MORE: They think Wolfmother's trash

G's GUNS N' ROSES: Rage-sprung from the 80's

H is for HEART, representing the ladies

I's IRON MAIDEN, with dragons and gods

J's Judas Priest, and their leather-clad bods

K is for KINGHORSE: fusing metal and punk

L, LIVING COLOUR: Same thing, but with funk

M, MEGADETH: Dave Mustaine's a mad genius

N's for TED NUGENT, obsessed with his penis

O's OVERKILL, and their skullcrushing preening

P is for PUSCIFER. All hail Maynard James Keenan!

Q is for QUEENSRYCHE and their heartrending wails

R is for REZNOR and the great NINE INCH NAILS

S: SUICIDAL, Mike Muir will unite us

T is for TESTAMENT: gave me tinnitus

U's for URIAH HEAP, Metal pre-cursors

V is for VOIVOD: Dream Theater, but worser

W is for WHITESNAKE, and Kitaen's car-top stretchin'

X is for KING'S X: In Nebraska, with Gretchen

Y is for YNGWIE (MALMSTEEN): Guitar Hero

Z is for ZEPPELIN. Woman: one. Fish: Zero

Related posts:

A IS FOR ALIEN: #1 in the series (with a focus on killers from horror movies of the 1970's and 80's)

A IS FOR ANAKIN: #2 in the series of pop culture primers (characters from Science-Fiction films)

A IS FOR AUTOMAN: #3, all about science-fiction TV series.

More Tawney Kitaen

More of my wife being funnier than me

My wife is funnier than me

2011-08-17T10:42:00.001-04:00

My wife and I vandalized this chalk-written sign for a "SCOOTER WASH"

More proof she is funnier than me.

related links:

Two killer jokes

A is for AUTOMAN: #3 in a series of pop culture primers

2011-08-15T08:06:00.000-04:00

A is for AUTOMAN, A.I. super-cop

B is BEYOND WESTWORLD, T.V. spin-off flop

C's CAPTAIN CAVEMAN, who somehow got laid

D's for DARK SHADOWS, doomed to be re-made

E's ELECTRA WOMAN, her theme song's sublime

F is for FUTURE COP, with Ernest Borgnine

G's GODZILLA series gave us "Godzooky"

H is HOLMES AND YO-YO, robot-cop dookie

I is for ISIS, both sexy and chaste

J is for JOSIE, beat Scooby to Space

K is KNIGHT RIDER, the Hoff's finest hour

L's LAND OF GIANTS, huge prop plants and flowers

M is for MANIMAL, transforms with a Grrrr-ing

N's for THE NEW PEOPLE, pilot penned by Serling

O is for ORKO, not seen in the movie

P's for THE PRISONER, that remake's a doozy

Q is for QUARK with a laugh-track in space

R's for RED DWARF, introduced a cat-race

S is SPACE '99, so very 70's

T is for THUNDARR, finally on DVDs

U is for ULTRAMAN, where monsters were beaten

Of course V is for V, where hamsters got eaten

W's THE WIZARD lasted one season

And X is for XENA, filmed in New Zealand

Y is YOGI'S SPACE RACE, another Star Wars cash-in

Z is this ZORRO show, futuristic re-hashin'

Look for another pop culture abecedarium next week.

note: a version of this poem appeared at the excellent SFSignal.

Related posts:

A IS FOR ALIEN: #1 in the series (with a focus on killers from horror movies of the 1970's and 80's)

A IS FOR ANAKIN: #2 in the series of pop culture primers (characters from Science-Fiction films)

5 Cartoon Visions of the Future

3 PEANUTS parodies that I like more than the JAWS one

2011-08-12T10:04:00.001-04:00

Because I'm a JAWS scholar and shark geek, a number of people have shared Charles Forsman's mash-up (of JAWS re-told with the Peanuts gang) with me.

You might think I didn't like it because I'm some kind of a JAWS nut.

But honestly, I thought it missed the mark when it came to the Peanuts characters. I have to give credit to Forsman for drawing spot-on character designs in the style of Schulz. But the strip didn't connect the dots between Charlie Brown, Chief Brody, Hooper, Linus, Quint, Mayor Vaughn, etc.

So it's not that I'm a JAWS nut, so much as a big PEANUTS fan. I find the early strips groundbreaking and influential and as important to American literature as The Great Gatsby or Of Mice and Men. Seriously.

However, I come not to bury Peanuts parodies, but to praise them.

So here are three faux-Peanuts strips that I adore.

First off, buy R. Sikoryak's MASTERPIECE COMICS. You can get it here cheap. Sikoryak commits to a concept without going to easy jokes. This collection is brilliant and beautifully illustrated. One of the stand-outs is his "Good Ol' Gregor Brown" where Kafka's Metamorphosis is re-told with the Peanuts cast. This was presented as a slideshow at Kevin Geeks Out (during a "Holiday Grab Bag" show) -- and it killed. Buy this book for yourself and get another one for your favorite English teacher.

(this is just an excerpt, buy the book to read the rest)

Sikoryak's strip is so cool that one fan even went and got it as a tattoo. The only thing sexier than a Charlie Brown tattoo is Kafka-Peanuts body-art!

Second, MAD Magazine did a 1968 strip titled "Will Success Spoil Charlie Brown?" where Shermy returns to the old neighborhood and sees how the commercial success of PEANUTS has changed everyone.

As a kid, I didn't realize it was a parody of "Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?" but I still got the jokes and loved seeing Charlie Brown in a toupee.

I could not find this online. Sorry.

But you can find plenty of other great MAD parodies. Here's a list of the dozens and dozens that ran over the years.

Third, Ted Rall's "Supply Side Lucy"

This 1996 one-panel gag is, sadly, still true today. Check out more Ted Rall. He's a daring writer and he always challenges himself to do something different with each book -- whether it's a comics collection, narrative graphic novel or even his fantastic post-modern take on George Orwell's 1984.

Do you have a favorite PEANUTS parody/homage? Tell me about it in the comments.

JAWS vs. SHARK NIGHT the two types of shark-movie posters

Horror movie characters: A-Z

Kevin and Matt Geek Out about Shark Cinema

Deleted Scene from Kevin and Matt Geek Out about Shark Cinema

THE FUTURE IS THE INTERNET: a true subway story

2011-08-11T12:47:00.004-04:00

You know how certain kinds of films, television shows and stage plays will present a pandering, romanticized view of a homeless person, showing a rattily-dressed but wise old man whose simple words put middle-class problems into perspective.

As much as I love the The Clash’s lyirc about how “the truth is only known by guttersnipes” I’d never had one of these magical encounters.

Until today.

I transferred onto the E-train at Canal Street and I was immediately bowled over by the stench of cheap whiskey at 9:55 in the morning. I looked up and saw a shabbily-dressed middle-aged man with dreadlocks, drinking brown liquor from a Poland Spring bottle.

Guy: What you reading?

Me: RETROMANIA.

Guy: What’s that about?

Me: How our culture is obsessed with its own past.

Guy: Like China and Kung-Fu movies.

Me: I haven’t gotten to that part yet.

Guy: (smiling) Maybe it won’t be in the book. But China makes a lot of Kung-Fu movies. Kung-Fu is very important to China’s history. It was the Kung-Fu masters that freed China.

He went on about Kung Fu for a few minutes. I was standing about 6 inches away from him, but everyone else kept their distance. Still, I got the impression they were watching/listening to this conversation. It’s the closest I’ve come to having a true Socratic Dialogue. I wish the train ride would last longer, because this was really getting good.

Guy: (more about how Kung-Fu saved China)

ME: I didn’t know that.

GUY: Kung Fu is very important.

Me: Mmm.

The train pulled into the next stop and the doors opened at Spring Street, where I exited.

Me: (to my new friend) Take it easy.

Just before I left the guy looked at me, pointed and shouted one last thing. He was dead serious, but also joking.

Guy: THE FUTURE IS THE INTERNET!

I exited the train, and then came up with a good response after it was too late.

“That’s the one thing Kug-Fu can’t save us from.”

Freelancer's Company Picnic

2011-08-10T12:13:00.001-04:00

NOTE: THIS EVENT HAS BEEN CANCELLED DUE TO BAD WEATHER AND LATE CAPITALISM. CHECK BACK FOR THE RESCHEDULED PICNIC.

After the success of the FREELANCER'S CHRISTMAS PARTY, I'm having a follow-up...

THE FREELANCER'S COMPANY PICNIC

Since you won't be invited to a legit company picnic, come to mine and hang out with fellow freelancers, permalancers, consultants, temps, project-based employees and other people who don't get sick days.

As a kid, I always loved going to the Proctor & Gamble Company Picnic. (previously written about here.)

Today most companies don't do these things anymore, but like everything else, it's up to the independent workers to take care of themselves (and each other.)

WHERE: GOVERNOR'S ISLAND (by the parade grounds)

WHEN: This Sunday, August 14th, 11:30 AM - 4:00 PM

HOW: Follow this link for a Ferry schedule. Boats leave from Brooklyn and Manhattan. It's free.

note: you don't have to be a freelancer to come, but that's the theme. (It sounds better than "ice cream social of the unemployables")

Join us for a delightful afternoon, which is sure to include fun and games, bitching about the economy, and maybe even some networking. I expect there'll be some web-people, filmmakers, graphic designers, writers, editors, producers, educators, and of course it wouldn't be a freelance jamboree without plenty of bloggers. Feel free to live-tweet the event. #FreelanceCompanyPicnic (I'm kidding.)

The same way you have to buy your own health insurance, you'll have to buy your own food. (What do I look like, I'm made of money?) There are a number of food trucks on Governor's Island, as well as a Water Taxi Beach. Or you could save money and bring your own food. Or perhaps a tray of snacks to share with the other party-goers.

Also, you should bring bottled water, since the Island's water is non-potable. (Again, water and other beverages are sold throughout the island.)

While visiting Governor's Island you can take advantage of the free kayaks, free tram tours, free mini-golf, and bike rentals (this costs money, but it's worth it.)

I'll also bring some games and activities.

Like any good company picnic -- KIDS ARE WELCOME.

So look for me at the parade grounds, I'll put some blankets down under the trees.

Eat, drink and have a new view of the New York skyline.

And mingle with a group of good-lookin', talented, underpaid, independent contractors from MTV Networks, Rainbow Media, TV One and a handful of other shady fly-by-night companies.

* * *

Kevin Maher is a freelance comedy writer and producer. He hosts the nerdy variety show "Kevin Geeks Out" and other important cultural events.

The real ELECTRIC BANANA

2011-08-09T10:47:00.000-04:00

Driving back from visiting my parents (who retired to Maryland), I passed a beach shop called The Electric Banana.

I wondered aloud if it were a reference to Spinal Tap** (Fans will remember "The Electric Banana" is the club where director Marti Di Bergi first saw the band.) Neither my wife, my 6-year old son or my 3-year old son could say.

Just today I was telling a nerdy friend about this place, and again I wondered if the name was a nod to Tap.

So I called the store and asked. The clerk said "It's just a funny name, that an electric banana is funny, they wanted a funny name and electric banana is funny."

Of course he's right, it IS funny. But was there more to the story?

I pressed him and discovered that he is not the owner.

So I asked to speak with the owner. I added "I'm a journalist" (which is kind of true, I suppose.)

He put me on hold and said to call back in ten minutes.

* * * 10 minutes later * * *

I called back.

CLERK: The Electric Banana.

ME: Hi, I'm the guy who called about the store name.

CLERK: Hold on.

OWNER: Hello.

ME: Hi, I was calling to find out where you got the name of your store.

OWNER: It was wacky name I thought of, 15 years ago.

ME: Really? Because it's also a joke in Spinal Tap.

OWNER: Is it?

ME: Yeah.

(In 15 years, I'm the first person to bring this to his attention!?)

OWNER: No, it had nothing to do with that, I was just sitting somewhere in Ocean City with my friend, trying to think up a name for the store and some girls were listening in and they became interested and said `how about THE ELECTRIC APPLE' and I said `no, the ELECTRIC BANANA'!

ME: Okay. Thanks.

Kind of surprising. And disappointing.

But here's something to cheer you up:

There's restaurant in New Brunswick, NJ called THE FROG & PEACH -- a successful establishment that REALLY DID take its name from the hilarious Peter Cook & Dudley Moore sketch about a horrible restaurant called "The Frog & Peach". (Although their menu does not include the infamous "frog a la peach" or the disgusting "peach a la frog.")

POST-SCRIPT:

Upon writing this, I learned that there really was a Pittsburg Nightclub called THE ELECTRIC BANANA -- and it's also lyric in Donovan's 1966 hit "Mello Yellow".

My friend Noah Tarnow, the famed Quizmaster, told me Donovan's cryptic reference to the electro-fruit "prompted a lot of people to think the song was about smoking banana peels. Donovan denied this (you can't even get high that way), but eventually admitted that "electrical banana" refers to a vibrator."

Curiously, the wonderful National Lampoon Album GOODBYE POP featured some excellent parodies by Christopher Guest and Tony Scheuren. One of his songs the liner notes mention, "should have been on the album, but isn't" was a Donovan parody titled "Nirvana Banana." See -- it always goes back to comedy-songs.

Click HERE to buy a T-shirt based on the fake club from the movie.

A is for ANAKIN: #2 in a series of pop culture primers

2011-08-08T08:59:00.002-04:00

A is for ANAKIN, born on Tattooine

B's for BARBARELLA, the Galaxy's Queen

C is for CAESER, who brought humans down

D is for DIM, not as dumb as he sounds

E is for EDGAR, a loving machine

F's FRANK N. FURTER, a different space queen

G is for GOR, invoking great terror

H is for H.A.L., who blames human error

I is for IRULAN, Spice Girl acquired

J is for JONATHAN, he won't retire

K is for KHAN, a villainous nutter

L's for LOGAN, boned Jenny Agutter

M is for MARVIN, so gloomy and pensive

N is for NADA, whose fights are extensive

O's for OCTAVIOUS, sinister gent

P is for PRIS, seductive replicant

Q is for QUI-GON, who battled battalions

R is for RUFUS who saves WYLD STALLYNS

S is for SNAKE, sabotaged mankind's future

T is for TRON, lives inside a computer

U is for URSUS, upholds all Ape Laws

V is for VOLTAR, kidnapped Santa Claus

W's for WES, an Aussie road baddie

X is for XTRO, he's just like his Daddy

Y is for YOR, he's so brave, blonde and buff

Z is for ZED, makes red diapers look tough

Look for another pop culture abecedarium next week.

note: a version of this poem appeared at the excellent SFSignal.

Related posts:

A IS FOR ALIEN: #1 in a series of pop culture primer (with a focus on killers from horror movies of the 1970's and 80's)

One more thing about RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

2011-08-07T20:58:00.002-04:00

Brian Cox's character should've been played by a CGI Severn Darden.

APES movie during SHARK WEEK

2011-08-05T12:09:00.002-04:00

It just occurred to me that the new PLANET OF THE APES movie opens during SHARK WEEK.

Those are two of my favorite sub-genres.

To honor the occasion, I want to tell you about A*P*E (1976)

This American-Korean co-production was rushed-out to cash-in on KONG FEVER that was brewing around Dino De Laurentiis's big-budget remake of KING KONG.

A*P*E (which isn't an actual acronym, maybe they were additionally trying to capitalize on M*A*S*H*-fever) was produced by Jack H. Harris (whose credits include some cult favorites including The Blob and Dark Star).

Harris managed to con FAMOUS MONSTER OF FILM-LAND into getting his movie on the cover of their magazine**, with this over-the-top illustration of his giant monkey pummeling a JAWS-like shark. (Remember in the mid-70's JAWS was the ultimate blockbuster.) The film includes a brief sequence in which the APE encounters a great white shark (a one-two punch of ripping of KONG and JAWS, while suggesting that their film is superior to Spielberg's.)

This epic battle between a 36-foot-tall monkey and a really big shark comes off more like a guy in a torn gorilla costume thrashing around an already-dead shark. At the end of the scene he actually splits apart the shark's mouth, ruining it for good and ensuring that there won't be anymore filming of this scene. (There's a reason this film was made outside the U.S.)

Oh, did I mention this all takes places in the first 5 minutes of the movie.

In 3-D.

And if that's not exciting enough, instead of hot new-comer Jessica Lange, the blonde bombshell is played by young Joanna Kerns (the mom from GROWING PAINS.)

**side-note: the cover also mentions Christopher Lee talking about STAR WARS. I'd love to hear his thoughts, because you know he turned down the role of Grand Moff Tarken, and suggested his best friend (Peter Cushing.) And then 25 years later Lee got to play Count Dooku in the prequels.

Related links:

Here's the original trailer for A*P*E -- which includes a short clip of the dead-shark. And notes it should not be confused with KING KONG

Get ready for RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES with this video and Ape guide

Show summary of KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT MONKEYS

Show summary of KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT SHARKS

The Two kinds of Shark movie posters

Horror Movie Characters: A-Z

Kevin Geeks Out About: Rise of/Conquest of the Planet of the Apes

2011-08-04T01:14:00.002-04:00

"There is something undeniably appealing about watching gorillas dressed like Fonzie aiming shotguns at Moses dressed like Tarzan."

- Dana Gould

In case you don't know, RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES is something of a re-make of the third sequel in the original APES series. (That's CONQUEST OF THE PLANET OF THE APES)

I haven't seen RISE yet, but I imagine it won't include the time-traveling chimps backstory or the controversial race-riot subtext. (But, the optimists point out, it does have Andy Serkis!)

Listen, I'm a sucker for the APES films (I have a Czech poster of "Conquest" in my living room and my wedding cake was topped with figurines of Zira and Cornelius), so of course I HAVE TO to see the new one.

In the meantime, you can get ready for the remake by studying this handy cheat sheet and by watching my old AMC video taped at the Bronx Zoo's Congo Gorilla Forest (below.)

Note: the Zoo's PR team wanted to end the video with a line about how we need to save "this" planet, or some such line -- and I had to explain the most basic premise of the franchise: it's the same planet. We finally really did it! Etc.

Related links:
Extensive show summary from KEVIN GEEKS OUT ABOUT MONKEYS

Ranch House of the Planet of the Apes by Dana Gould

Original Ending to Conquest of the Planet of the Apes

APES ON COVERS - a brief history (and gallery) of gorillas on comic book covers

Seven Adult Films based on SF Classics (including a Planet of the Apes porn)

Tom Stern's hilarious parody movie Planet of the Humans

JAWS vs. SHARK NIGHT: two kinds of shark movie posters

2011-08-03T08:39:00.005-04:00

Since it's SHARK WEEK, I'll look at the two kinds of shark movie posters.

Let's compare a classic with a new one:

The gold-standard is the above artwork for the 1975 film JAWS. We all know this iconic image: Lady swims naked, blissfully unaware that she is about the be chomped by the giant shark.

But in SHARK NIGHT's image, the woman realizes the life-and-death situation, her face expresses panic and terror as the leviathan lunges towards her.

So which works better for you?

The blissfully unaware victim OR fully-aware damsel in distress?

The JAWS poster reminds me of something from Hitchcock, there's a ticking time bomb underneath a table where two women are having tea -- they don't know it's there, but we do. It's suspenseful.

In Gary Larson's 10th anniversary exhibit The Pre-History of the Far Side he includes some early rough-sketches of his single-panel cartoons. One of the comics features a lobster being held just above a pot of boiling water. A group of chefs look on, as the cook throws a baseball towards the target. It's just inches away from making contact and sinking the doomed lobster.

Larson scrapped this version, claiming that it took away the dramatic tension. So he drew it again, this time showing the cook holding the baseball, rather than throwing it. The same dread that's used in the comic is seen in some of these movie posters. (Of course in both versions, the lobster is aware of it's unpleasant fate, but you get my point, right?)

Heather, aware and scared. So scared.

But the second approach (seen in SHARK NIGHT 3-D's poster) reminds me of something I'd read about THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT. One journalist observed that the film had become a runaway success because rather than showing the witch or a monster or a murder -- the audience is watching someone who is afraid. We're moved by seeing emotions run rampant. The up-close image of Heather freaking out is more powerful than the depection of a rubber severed head spewing fake blood.

My wife observes that in the JAWS-style image, we relate to the woman as prey -- because that could be any of us. But in the SHARK NIGHT poster, the viewer is encouraged to identify with the predator; we feel the thrill of making the woman scream.

I kind of think it's the other way around -- if the character is oblivious to the peril, we DON'T relate to her. (Isn't that why some people yell at the movie screen?)

What do YOU think? Which approach do you prefer?

Before you answer, look at a few examples from the past few decades: (note -- occasionally the shark is replaced with another sea creature.)

Chesty British Scientist is totally UNAWARE of that shark.

This swimmer is very, very, VERY AWARE of the shark.

80's lady on a raft is surprisingly UNAWARE.

She seems WELL-AWARE of the giant, killer octopus.

Italian wind-surfer has NO IDEA about the iceberg-like shark (or the lawsuit that will keep this movie from being seen in the U.S.)

Bikini-clad babe KNOWS SOMETHING'S UP.

JAWS 2 water-skiier is UNAWARE of the toothy leviathan.

But the JAWS 2 scuba-diver is HIP TO SHARK DANGER.

This theatrical poster shows a CLUELESS swimmer.

But the PIRANHA VHS art features a swimmer who is FRIGHTFULLY AWARE of the fish.

But does she know she's the same woman in this next poster?

Roger Corman got his money's worth out of this poster-model.

For a self-conscious re-boot, she's SADLY UNAWARE.

Meanwhile, these guys are like "HOMINA, HOMINA, HOMINA!"

International DVD artwork shows an OBLIVIOUS blonde.

The U.S. DVD takes a DIFFERENT APPROACH.

In this TURKISH poster, the swimmer CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE the shark (and the Oscar)

Spidey-sense DOES NOT WORK in the water.

But Superman KNOWS WHAT TIME IT IS.

Is the shark aware that it's about to get skewered by Mrs. Brody?

And does Lorraine Gary know that this will end her career?

In conclusion: Women on inflatable rafts are more likely to be unaware of the rapidly approaching death-chomp.

* * *

So.... which approach do you prefer?

Leave your comments below.

Extensive recap of Kevin and Matt GEEK OUT ABOUT SHARKS

Horror Movie Characters: A-Z

Happy Shark Week: shark artwork

DELETED SCENE from Kevin and Matt Geek Out About Sharks

Happy Shark Week!

2011-08-02T11:46:00.004-04:00

To celebrate SHARK WEEK, I'm sharing this link to the very special JAWS 2 graphic novelization (with an emphasis on graphic!) It's presented in full "MARVEL-COLOR"; the magazine boasts that each page was an oil-painting. It's a real labor of love.

Marvel's book is certainly more impressive (and more violent) than this children's JAWS 2 COLORING BOOK, which I mentioned in a previous post.

For a lengthy exploration of all 20th century shark-media, you can check out this extensive recap of the obsessive theme-night KEVIN AND MATT GEEK OUT ABOUT SHARKS.

Related video:

A IS FOR ALIEN: #1 in a series of pop culture primers

2011-08-01T09:11:00.006-04:00

A is for Alien, chest-bursting bitch

B is for Belial, makes baskets twitch

C's for Chatterer, cenobite #2

D is for Damien, this hanging's for you

E is for Evil Dead, like Ash destroys

F is for Freddy, rapped with Fat Boys

G is for Graboids, Tremors' worms on the prowl

H is the Hitcher, stalking C. Thomas Howell

I is for Isaac, creepy kid priest

J is for JAWS (the first two, at least)

K is for Killdozer, killing machine

L is for Leatherface, based on Ed Gein

M's Michael Myers, a sequel approaches

N is The Nest, flesh-eating cockroaches

O is for Orca, made Richard Harris cry

P is for Pumpkinhead, killed Soleil Moon Frye

Q is for Q, flying lizard-of-prey

R is for Ricky, who shouts "Garbage Day!"

S is the Stranger, don't answer his calls

T's for The Tall Man, beware of his balls

U is for Uncle Sam, he wants you... dead

V is for Vincent, this farmer's well-fed

W's Willard, the rat devotee

X is for Xtro, unfriendly E.T.

Y's for this Yeti, King Kong inspired

Z is for Zoltan, doggy vampire

Related Links:

A IS FOR ANAKIN # 2 in the series, with characters from science fiction films

A IS FOR AUTOMAN looks at science-fiction television.

A IS FOR ANTHRAX a heavy metal primer, written by my wife.

My attempt to customize this blog for fans of Soleil Moon Frye

Two kinds of shark-movie posters